A Serendipity of her Own.

It was in those darkness-es that she saw,

flesh becoming the sieve, filtering the naked thoughts from the dirt of lies and masks, into one another.

in an embrace, the shivering of the minds calming.

while the kiss, the enraged thoughts finding a way into one another.

beyond, the then opened eyes understanding the words which couldn't find a voice.

the hands caressing the longing of love, revoking and provoking, time & again.

beneath the silver moonlight, the shadows bridging into one from the two diverged single souls.

And when he be through,

she'll find a way through her remorse into a serendipity of her own.

The Little Surprises of her Life

She lost her father when she was only 8. Her little brother, 4 and her mother, only a graduate, not familiar with the modern-working-women-culture of the big city, they lived in.

Her baba, being a self-built man with a clerical job in a private firm didn't leave much for their survival.

In the initial months of her father's death, near and far relatives would come and meet them bringing quality fruits, expensive clothes and toys for both Gaurika and Girish.
But eventually, the crowd of relatives started fading from the sitting room of their small house. Some grew bored of listening to those scarcities, some got exasperated of their little charity.

Regular once-a-week visits decreased to less than once-a-month, to mere phone calls.
Expensive clothes, toys and quality fruits turned to just fruits from the nearby vendors.

Gaurika's maternal grandparents were long gone before her parents got married, which didn't leave many people for her mother to share her agony with. Only an elder brother, who was married for 10 years, then but devoid of any children.

For him, when Gaurika was born, it was a shower of blessing and joy directly from Goddess Durga and hence the name. His little household business soared heights after her birth, which made him to believe Gaurika to be his lucky charm.

Gaurika, was a calm, quiet child with a vision, who would comfort the elders with her factual approach in the time of distress.
Beyond her baba's demise, Gaurika's calmness transformed into unmatched maturity. She was innocent, yet mature.
In all those years of hardships, her mother raised both of them with the money earned from stitching clothes for the fellow neighborhood women. A talent that was nurtured in her childhood, while Gaurika's grandma gave her a personal coaching in the household course she did to get married.

Gaurika and Girish seldom got any gifts. Never celebrated birthdays, being afraid of treating her fellow classmates from the school canteen.

Gaurika's Maamu (maternal uncle) loved both of them unconditional;y, but his wife was a nightmare to them. The least of what she wanted, was to be associated with them.

And so, Maamu used to meet them regularly, but in hiding.

Everytime, he visited them, he would hand them some money. Never counted, whatever he could pull out of his wallet, he would hand it over to his sister and the two kids.

Her mother would use it for the children or the household chores.
Girish would save it to spend in the school canteen or to buy something, he has eyed for himself at the nearby gaming shop or the mall in the vicinity.

But Gaurika; she would run to her father's bookshelf, pull out a random book and stick the rupee bill in it. Never read the name of the book. just kept it back in the little shelf of books.

She was fond of reading, a habit she inherited from her father.
And later, whenever she would feel like reading, standing in front of the shelf, picked up a book and opened it, a hundred or sometimes five hundred rupee bill would fall off from the book,
which she'd pick up with a beaming smile on her little face; The Little Surprises of her Life.

Cellphone at the bedside table

Later that evening, something happened, and she decided to take a stroll in the garden. There was hardly anyone out there. Everything in sight was sparkling with the little water droplets, as the aftermath of the thunderous shower almost an hour ago and the bit of drizzling that was still there.

The little bird somewhere was chirping, just in accordance to the entire aura around her. The garden scented of wet grass and mud.

Hands in the pockets of her cargo pants, she walked on the cemented path laid in the garden. With her cellphone left back on the bedside table of her room, she felt peace.
The dusk was falling with even the sunset hidden behind the veil of dark clouds, radiating its colors through the little slits in the sky. And on the road next to the boundary of the garden, the traffic was at the slowest pace, it could've achieved.
The cars were honking, with being stuck, but to notice none of those cars had there window panes rolled up.
Stuck in that jam, even they couldn't refrain from relishing the strong winds and those drops from up there.
People on foot were taking shelter at the nearest shades and at the only bus stop. That road suddenly appealed to her more than the garden. And so she decided to go and sit at the bus stop, she just had a look at. Despite of such a weather, there weren't many people at the bus stop. Strange that may sound but just sitting there, felt good to her. Amidst all those big and small cars, her attention grabbed a white Alto stuck, just as all other cars in the jam. What was so special about that white Alto was nothing but a girl on the passenger seat, thinking and smiling at nothing. There in that moment, the girl on the passenger seat looked at her boyfriend driving, smiled at him and hugged him.
For once, the boyfriend was startled. He couldn't have let her go, and the people might have started staring at him too. But then the boyfriend's and her (the girl at the bus stop) eyes met. She was smiling at the tenderness of the moment.
He smiled at her back, as if suddenly being relaxed and bear-hugged his girlfriend back.

That was when the car which caused the jam, being stuck in a giant pothole got out of it, and traffic cleared, and gained speed. The white Alto followed suit and vanished in a few seconds.
The drizzling too stopped. She got up from the bus stop, smiled at herself and went back home. Reaching home, when she checked her cellphone, it had a message from
her guy which said, " I Love You!"

The Downpour.

The downpour,
the first downpour it was.
A battle,
battle between the winds and the water it was.

Falling drops,
not just falling drops, it was.
Just the beginning,
just the beginning it was.

While the earth quenched its thirst,
and the dust gave out the scent;
the leaves shown bright in green,
lightning struck like it was meant.

Eventually, the drops poured,
and the winds hustled.
A duel that roared,
like it happened never before.

The winds daunting,
pushing the waters, Said,
"Be here, be there, be everywhere,
for, why have you kept me awaited,
like you don't even care?"

The water was no picnic.
Ferociously, it poured more. And more.
"I, known in romances,
I don't care?
You stupid winds,
maintain your calm and stare.."

Manifolds went water's strength.
Winds did not comprehend.
While the earth, the sky, the human race,
appeared to be on a sluggish pace.

Everything began to grow dark,
as if paving the way, for
the lightning to strike & be Stark.
occurring all over again.

But,
suddenly all of it ceased.
Slowed down the hustle,
to make it grow subtle.
as if all the forces surrendered,
the winds and the rains meandered.

Then, the light came,
through a slit of clouds,
and enlightened the frame,
with nothing well-so-loud.


The downpour,
the first downpour it was.
A battle,
battle between the winds and the water it was.

The Confused State of Mind.

"What was it about this boy?", she thought sitting on the windowsill that overlooked a busy road along side a LakeGarden. The location of her house was just too perfect, considering the sort of girl she was! She loved to look into the garden across the road, with people cherishing boat rides in the small lake, children playing around , joggers losing out the extra fat and if you knew where to look, you could possibly find some snoggers too.


But today, there was something else she was looking at while sitting there. She was looking at this boy whom she met long back in school, spent some really good amount of years with him there, fought with, shared some of the best laughs with AND went through the most hyped issue during school *he had proposed her* with him.


The first time, they met was on the first day of class 8, when the class teacher have made them sit together on a single bench. "Shitt!", was what she said first when they met. It was there, when everything started.
Nodoubt in between all of the laughs, making fun of teachers, failing in exams, small fights (that didn't long more than 2 days) and the friendship they survived a bond.
And today while she saw him walk out of her house after the long day they spent together, the entire reel started rolling in front of her. They weren't dating, neither were there any such prospects from her side (given her past experiences), in contrast to the kind of feelings he had expressed to her.


It was then that she thought, "What was it about this boy?

How every time he walks out of her space, 

there resides a smile on her face.

Never does he imposes all what he feels for her.

Never does he forgets to bring chocolates every time he visits her. 

But then every other guy does the same, isn't it."

She was speaking to herself, contradicting her abominable thoughts toward relationships more than considering him to be the one.
"Was she falling for him?", was what occurred to her last when she sighed, regained herself, waved him goodbye & returned back to being herself.

Of Losing & Gaining Herself.

How it takes a moment to destroy you!
How it takes just a nano-second text to pull away the earth beneath you!
BUT, then you end up with feeling, how even all of what has happened, may have happened for  some Good!
She has not expected him showing up in her life. Her life, which had seldom been peaceful. She wasn't prepared for what was lying in front of her.
While she was surfacing the most melodramatic relationship of all times, he turned out to be someone whom she could laugh, smile and share herself with.
While she was surfacing a relationship that could destroy her inner self entirely, he turned out to be the only Savior.
He was just a Nobody in her life, yet far more important than the person whom she called her love.
But, as they say Nothing Lasts Forever, he followed suit.

He said, he had worked upon her.
How can somebody work upon to make someone better? Or did he really?
No, he didn't. It was just her happiness because of him, that made her actually grow up.
The way he used to make her happy, she gained a sense of pride in herself. Though all he was, a pervert & cheesy, yet classy in his own way.
She hated him more than she admired him, which totally amazed the 'she' inside her.
She used to float on Cloud 9 while he was around. Forgetting all her despairs, all her regrets, she started realizing her dreams.
Suddenly, the world was far more interesting. Now, she wanted it to stay Forever this way. At least she thought it would!

But, the only pets she had, were disappointments! They never left her alone, to writhe in peace! He went away. Taking away the life he gave to her. Taking away the soul he gave to her.
She thought it to be a kind of vengeance. For she had sometimes let people down, as a matter of self-preservation. But was it really something in the wrong doings?

"Every girl has the right to have that eternal smile on her face, then why not me?", was the only thought she had.
There were a lot of 'Why-Not-Me's that made their place in her mind. She was being destroyed.

She wasn't regretful about the touch. She wasn't regretful about the intimacy.
What she regretted the most, was all of it was not about emotions but out of a necessary evil.
She couldn't figure out, when did things ran out of her hand.
He said, he didn't want to lose her. Oh! What a lie.
Because, he already has!

She could have ended up  losing herself to somebody who actually didn't bother. But, being what she was, she preferred better options.
Yet, there was a void, she needed to fill. The kind of solitude one needs to revive out of something like what happened with her, she was ready to face it!
 She surely needed to let go of everything & to step on the stumbling rocks as Stepping Stones.

And amidst all of this, she never realized how she just lost herself only to Gain more of 'the- better-herself'.

the only TWO DATES she had!

The two dates of her life, were nothing about Love, Compassion or Serendipity but Sex, Intimacy & a Casual Behaviour! No Doubt, she has grown repellent to the Dating Mannerisms, already!

While the former guy was more bothered about experiencing those un-obligatory pleasures at a friend's place, the latter one was about the same pleasures BUT, with an intellectual vibe to it!
Provided, his friends were not being at his service for the so-called 'place' to let out all those suppressed longings to get himself around.

But, there occurred something she couldn't help but relate! Of all the things she numbered on the two distinct dates, there was something she could use to camouflage all the guilt depressions that took over her heart for putting her trust in such Virtual Debonair, was she had never any of them pay on her part!

Had she allowed that kind of discomfort to intrude her senses, there would have been a conviction for her own-self which might have it's strings attached to a Prostitute-ish behaviour! Which in turn would have been a significant step to Losing her Soul!